the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
