Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
