So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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