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Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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