R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
