i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
