70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
