my phone needs a breathalizer
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize