our cab driver is having phone sex.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
