You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
