Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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