Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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