I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
