its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
