i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
