look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
