i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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