I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
