There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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