I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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