not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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