I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
