walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We are two peas in an std pod
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
