I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
