so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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