If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
