Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
