allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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