Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I FOUND THE LEGS
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
