Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
