He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
