I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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