Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize