its not stalking. its research.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
