just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize