I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
