I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
