I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
