I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
