who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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