i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
