I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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