hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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