PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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