My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
