Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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