After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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