Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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