i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
