whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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