I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
