I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
