Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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