I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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