if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
