i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
