Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
