I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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