My first STD was from a foam party
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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