I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
operation have a gay friend backfired
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
